Fever, stomachache, fever of 110, throwing up anything crossing my lips, fever of 120, throwing up my lungs, fever of 125, coughing up blood, my stomach has become my lung, fever 130, throwing up my stomach, throwing up one kidney then half the other, fever of 150, throwing up blood, sweating blood, fever of 156, running out of sweat, coughing with my half a kidney, fever of 157, throwing up the other half of my kidney, fever of 170, burning, burning, burning, fever of 171, losing sight and vision, sweat coming through my eyes, blood running out of my nose, throwing up my small intestine, still alive, fever of 820, sweating bile, didn’t know you could sweat bile, sweating more bile, tongue is falling inside my throat into my stomach, throwing up my tongue, coughing up ligaments, fever of 920, throwing up blood, throwing up my calf muscle, still alive, eyes sweating bile, eyes sweating mucus, fever of 921, still haven’t coughed up my heart, why haven’t I coughed up my heart? Fever of 920, coughing up bones, tearing my throat, toe bones scraping my throat, rib bones scraping my throat, fever of 989, still alive, still with a heart, coughing up urine, urine burning my throat wounds, mucus hardened around my eyes, more bile and blood trying to pour out of my eyes with nowhere to go, still alive, fever of 999, what is supporting my heart? Just get rid of it already, fever of 1000, arm ligaments and muscles broke through my eyes and all the backed up bile and blood and extra mucus came pouring out, but not my heart, dear god not my heart, just get fucking rid of it! Fever of 1001, sweating urine, sweating shit, my god what will be next? Fever 1003, throwing up my shin bone, throwing up my shit and spinal fluid, spinal fluid pouring through the wholes where my eyes use to be, sweating spinal fluid, fever 112, it’s actually not I’m just delirious and can’t read the thermometer anymore, fever of 2125, semon burst out of my fingertips and my eye wholes and I throw it up and spit it out and I throw up my throat and esophagus and the semon sweats out of my toes and seeps into my brain, fever of 1,400,825, the last thing I can register and comprehend and the only thought I’m physically capable to process is “my heart is still here”, and “why god am I still alive”, fever of 1,000,000,000, I am now burning up other people and they are burning up and throwing up too, but they are throwing up their hearts while mine jumbles around as I writhe like a marble in a tin can, other people are spared quick deaths, I am starting to burn the world,
Now I really can’t be touched.
What caused this sickness?
Is it really just that absent space in my bed?
credits
from 2 present,
released January 20, 2021
i am not a poet
shut up
The 20th anniversary edition of this classic album—remastered by noise master Merzbow himself—features four new tracks and new artwork. Bandcamp New & Notable Feb 14, 2023
